Anyone who has ever had to deal with a person with an addiction will be aware of the term ‘enabling’.
Wikipedia defines enabling as (amongst other things) “dysfunctional approaches that are intended to help but in fact may perpetuate a problem” – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enabling
It goes on to say that “A common theme of enabling in this latter sense is that third parties take responsibility, blame, or make accommodations for a person’s harmful conduct”.
The term is usually used to describe the behaviour of someone in the life of someone else with an addiction of some sort.
Their behaviour somehow allows the addict to continue with the things they are doing.
Whether it be the wife of an alcoholic who cleans him up in the morning and gets him to work so he doesn’t lose his job.
Or the friend of a drug addict who covers for them so they don’t get in “too much trouble”.
That other person’s behaviour somehow enables the addict to continue.
Without their input they would not be able to continue as they are.
The ‘enabler’ of course believes they are doing the best things for their friend / partner / family member.
But when they come to realise what impact they are having, changing their behaviour is a crucial first step in facilitating change in the other person.
I often talk to clients and members about their ‘enabling’ behaviour.
In their case it is usually their own behaviour that is ‘enabling’ someone else to make their attempts to eat (and live) more healthily more difficult.
People often ‘enable’ their friends to pressure them into eating crap by eventually giving in to this pressure.
They may ‘enable’ another half who brings unhealthy food home by initially objecting but soon agreeing to eat it.
They may ‘enable’ their child by backing down on the initial position of ‘no biscuits’ or ‘less …” or “you’ll only get … if you do / eat ….”
When I came to this realisation myself it was a HUGE mental breakthrough.
When I realised that part of the reason I was so fat (for those that don’t know, I was 16st 10lbs) was that I allowed others to drag me down.
It was my behaviour that was ‘enabling’ theirs.
When I came to this realisation, I soon put paid to it.
Friends and family members were told that I no longer would be doing certain things.
Eating unhealthy food mainly.
They were told that their attempts to make me do so would not be appreciated.
And I stuck with this.
These attempts soon stopped.
It was difficult to start.
But soon became very easy when they gave up trying to make me eat in a certain way.
Because they realised it wouldn’t work.
So, look who in your life is making your journey to a healthier life a harder one.
Look to see if your behaviour is enabling theirs.
And if it is, take responsibility.
Change your behaviour first.
And theirs will soon change.
