For many years I’ve heard and read it from various sources that;
The things that annoy us the most about others are the things we haven’t fully accepted in ourselves.
Or;
What annoys you or you hate about others is your own reflection.
For the longest time I couldn’t get on board with that.
I felt it was actually the exact opposite.
That the things that annoyed me about other people were things that I was pretty good at.
It annoyed me when people were late and I consider that I was always on time.
It annoyed me when others were rude and I considered that I was always polite.
It annoyed me when others didn’t do what they said they would and I considered that I always did.
But I came to realisation a year or so ago.
That I had, essentially, created an invisible dividing line between what I considered to be ok or not ok for that particular behaviour or situation.
And I had decided that my behaviour fell on the right side of that line.
In reality it probably didn’t always.
I have been late.
I have been what could be considered rude.
I haven’t always done what I’d said I would.
But also, I realised that my line isn’t the same as someone else’s line.
And who would I be to determine that my line is the correct one?
I’m tempted to get frustrated when dozens of cars on the road don’t let me out of my carport.
But then, have I let out every single car that’s ever been trying to get in front of me?
I might have justified it as “I didn’t see them until it was too late to slow down”.
Or that “I’ve let several other cars out already”.
Or that “I’m in too much of a rush”.
But what’s the difference between those justifications for me and the people that don’t let me out?
Sometimes people refuse to pay their debts to RISE.
But I’m sure they don’t actually believe that they owe that money (even though they categorically do).
I’d like to think that I’ve always paid my debts……..
But I’ve definitely had people chasing me for money that I don’t consider that I owe for reasons that feel ok to me.
Sometimes I might feel that someone talks too much.
But then maybe somebody else feels the same way about me?
Or that I talk too little?
The dividing line of this is only ever one of our own creation (and, let’s be honest, it probably changes depending on what mood we’re in).
On the occasions that I am late, I always consider that it was either somebody else’s fault or some unexpected circumstance.
But I’m fairly sure that most people feel the same when they’re late.
If someone has thought I’ve been rude, I probably felt my behaviour was perfectly justified under the circumstances.
But I’m sure everyone that I ever considered was rude to me felt the same way too.
When I don’t end up doing what I said I would it, again, feels like some unexpected or out of my control situation has made that happen.
But, again, I’m sure that’s what most people who have not done what they’ve said they would have said.
None of this is to say that we have to accept what we consider to be unacceptable behaviour in others.
But it’s quite eye opening to question if we have ever exhibited those behaviours as well.
And to see if we’ve just created this imaginary line of what is and isn’t acceptable.
A line that we expect others to stick to the right side of without communicating that to them or getting their agreement on.
A line that we’ve probably not stuck to the right side of as often as we’d like to think we have.
Next time you’re getting annoyed by the behaviours of others, ask yourself if you’ve genuinely never, ever done that yourself.
And ask if it’s true that “the things that annoy us the most about others are the things we haven’t fully accepted in ourselves.”
Much love,
Jon ‘Line out’ Hall
P.S. Our programme has sold out every month outside of lockdowns for nearly a decade now. If you “wait till January” to look into this, you’ll miss the boat. Take the next step (even if it’s to save a space for January) now via www.myrise.co.uk/apply
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RISE in Macclesfield was established in 2012 and specialise in Group Personal Training weight loss programmes for those that don’t like the gym and find diets boring and restrictive!
